What is the most unique way that you’ve shown your partner in life how much they mean to you? If you’re like most people, chances are you’re reaching back pretty far to answer this question. With Valentine’s day right around the corner, I figured it’s the perfect time to share this little nugget. Years ago I dragged my husband kicking and screaming to a marriage conference as our relationship was in need of a tune-up. Although he was apprehensive he realized that it was just the shot in the arm we needed.
One of our biggest take-aways from the weekend was finding out that all couples go through the same dysfunctional crap that we were going through.
We spent time in workshops, listening to speakers (occasionally nudging my husband awake), and talking with other couples. There was lots of alone time and personal ‘projects’ that rocked our worlds. By the end of the weekend we were able to see clearly through the eyes of one another and could remember all of the good stuff that had attracted us in the first place. We got educated, and were given new tools to use for whenever we need it.
I’m going to share with you three things to do that don’t sound very sexy at first but trust me on this, dig into these exercises with your whole heart and you won’t be able to keep your hands off of one another!
Make and then share a ‘Love’ List
A Love list, simply put, is a list of improvements that you know your mate wishes you’d make in yourself on their behalf. You heard right, changes in yourself. Those of us who’ve been together for any length of time, know exactly what buttons to push to drive our mates bananas. Create a list of all of the things about yourself that you know your mate would like for you to change. Are you the one who leaves the seat up? Maybe you spend more time on social media than you ought to?
Sit in a room together, pen and pad in hand and lovingly create a list of your own ‘transgressions’.
Next to each item on your lists, write down what things you’ll do to improve in those areas. Read your list of improvements to one another. Perhaps you can promise to adhere to a schedule of social media time or devise a clever way of making sure that toilet seat comes down.
Most importantly, take action and do those things that you put on your page. Read the list often so you don’t forget to keep those promises. Be real and compassionate, then watch your mate fall madly and passionately back in love with you! This is a far more loving approach than telling your partner all of the things that you find offensive or hurtful about them. Coming at the activity from the standpoint of self-improvement is way gentler and will prevent both of you from feeling attacked or getting defensive.
The Love letter
Write and share a love letter (using pen and paper) to your significant other — Answer the following questions in the form of a hand-written “love-letter”:
- When you met what was it about your mate that attracted you?
- Today, what is it about your mate that you appreciate most?
- How are you both different, and how have those differences helped you grow?
- What steps will you take to help you to love your mate more?
Read your letters to one another and enjoy the fireworks to follow! My husband and I still have the letters we wrote to one another 10 years ago.. They are treasured keepsakes to be kept somewhere special and read for years to come.
Create a stunning Date Night. Go on a date! Spend a night out with just the two of you doing something you both can enjoy. Put time and effort into your plans and get dressed up. Make an agreement not to talk about children, work, money or other touchy subjects that might plague everyday conversation. Take the time to get to know your spouse even better than you already think you do. Finding something different to do on date night isn’t as tough as it used to be. There is a plethora of information out in blog land! All you need to do is ask google and the ideas will come flooding in. I’ve included a few links here:
Do you have any ideas for a great date night, or some other idea that has brought you and your significant other closer? I would love to hear about them!
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